It’s inevitable. How you pull yourself out of it is
another matter.
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| Waiting to play, by Carol L. Douglas, oil on canvasboard. |
I opened my pochade box to do a tiny touch-up on my nocturne
of Tuesday night. A slip of the hand and Cora and Ben were face down in the paint.
Wincing, I picked the board up and looked. There were bright hillocks of color
everywhere.
Because I’d used a lot of quick-dry medium, the paint was
easy enough to scrape off without lifting the bottom layers, and it was simple (albeit time-consuming) to recoat the dark parts. Cora’s face, however,
was another matter. How could I repaint it sans model, fire and s’mores?
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| Saranac River, by Carol L. Douglas, oil on canvasboard |
“My resolution is to not let myself get anxious at these
events,” Lisa BurgerLentz told
me. That’s a good goal, because agitation undermines your ability to perform. Even
the most experienced, successful painters feel it at times. There are fifty of
us here, and we’re in direct competition for sales and prizes. It can be a very
fraught experience if we allow it.
I don’t generally succumb to that, but when things go wrong
at a plein air event, they tend to cascade. In re-reading the rules, it
seemed to me that one of my best paintings was disqualified by when it was
painted. These events being on the honor system, it was up to me to report the
infraction myself. Ouch. Then, I started digging in my car for the nocturne’s
frame and couldn’t find it. Somewhere in my house or garage is a lonely frame
calling for its mate.
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| Beaver Dam on Quebec Brook, by Carol L. Douglas |
I was pretty frazzled. I can’t get out of that state of mind
on my own, so I rely on prayer. I called on a few Christian sisters to pray
with me.
I am often asked to pray for others, and do so happily. But
I also doubt that it’s theologically necessary to ask the community of
believers to pray with us. God loves us all, and doesn’t hand out his blessings
grudgingly.
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| The cycle of life, by Carol L. Douglas, oil on canvasboard |
But it’s very difficult to pray sometimes. Perhaps that’s
where the community of saints comes in: to carry the burden when you find
yourself unable to do so yourself. My problems yesterday were minor compared to
the troubles people find themselves in, but it was a good reminder.
Many painters tell me that they don’t do plein air
events precisely because of this pressure. It could be crippling if one didn’t
have a way to deal with the anxiety that failure inevitably produces. You need to pack that strategy along with your brushes and paints.
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| S'mores (Ben and Cora Pahucki), by Carol L. Douglas, oil on canvasboard |
In the end, I remembered that I’d taken a photo of my nocturne.
I copied Cora’s face from it. It’s not as fresh as the original, but it’s
there. I confessed my infraction to the organizer, who told me not to worry
about it. And Lisa BurgerLentz kindly sold me a frame she was carrying for her
own work.
All’s well that ends well, but I’d rather not do that again
anytime soon.
